ONIONS AND CHRISTMAS TREES

A family is at the dinner table.The son asks his father,
"Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.

In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions".

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said,
"Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases.

In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree".

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes - dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."

The ultimate Christmas present

Randy Parrots

Never underestimate the power of prayer folks. Read on and enjoy...

A lady approaches a priest and says to him, "Father I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing"

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say..... Hi, we're prostitutes , D'ya wanna have some fun?"

"That's terrible!" exclaimed the priest, "but I have a solution to your problem .

Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male parrots both of whom I have taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach yours to stop saying that terrible phrase and will learn to praise and worship instead."

"Thank you" the woman responded.

The next day the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

The woman put her two female parrots in with the two male parrots and immediately the females said "Hi, we're prostitutes, D'ya wanna have some fun?"

After a short moment of silence, One male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims..

"Put the f ***ing beads down Frank, our prayers have been answered!!"