A NEW ENGLISH LANGUAGE

The European Commission has just announced an
agreement whereby English will be the official
language of the EU rather than German which was the
other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her
Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling
had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5
year phase-in plan that would be known as
"Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with
joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the"k".
This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have
1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond
year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with
"f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling
kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes are possible. Governments will
enkorage the removal of double letters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent
"e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should
go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps
such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of
kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten
styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and
evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.


Ze drem vil finali kum tru!